Friday, September 12, 2008
Why I Don't Do Christian Car Bling
So, I had to go to this meeting. I work on campus so it's faster to walk than it is to drive. As I'm crossing the library parking lot I notice this car apparently owned by a couple of lesbian unitarians. Judging from the bumper stickers. Including "Love above all." "God loves everyone." "Would God hate?" "Peace is the answer."
The reason I noticed it was the driver and her partner (judging from the dialogue) were having a hair pulling, screaming and cussing catfight. Dragging out of the car door, across the hood, down the sidewalk, and so on. Yeah, peace may be the answer but I guess you have to ask the right question.
Hmmm. Bringing up the real issue I have with religious and philosophical bumper stickers.
The way I drive, the last thing I need is someone jumping out of the car after I cut them off and attempt to communicate my sentiment with sign language, and say "Pray the rosary yourself, bitch!"
Which is why my car is adorned with the legally required Alabama license plate and a window clingie that states I donated to the university's annual fund. I do hope that keeps me from being any one else's blog post.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Like Crack for an Addict
So today I sent over to the main library for some books.
Orthodoxy by G. K. Chesterton
The Interior Castle by St. Teresa of Avila
Apologia Pro Vita Sua by Venerable John Henry Cardinal Newman
Proving one thing. OK, two things. First, I'm pretty nerdy in my reading selection. Second, I do love old books. I love to smell them, handle them. I love the feel of the paper. The font, back before everything was Arial or Times New Roman. The binding. My dream job was book repair. The craftsmanship; they really don't make 'em like that anymore. Sadly, this dream job came with a less than dream paycheck and while beans and bulk rice are healthy, they lack some kind of culinary variety which is nice.
However, I'm sniffing these books like they were airplane glue.
Here's a copy of Lives of the Saints that I fixed up like new. Well not quite like new.
Because if it was NEW, what would be the point in wanting an old book?
(shoutout to stubby for giving me the book)
It's hard out there for a lib...
Never has it been more inconvenient to be a right leaning Libertarian. 3/4 of this campus thinks Obama is Jesus. A smattering have pro-McCain bumper stickers. But us poor libs? Have taken to creeping around like first century Christians in the catacombs beneath Rome, drawing little statues of liberty in the sand to identify each other, lest we be tossed into the ring with the lions.
We're still working on that secret handshake thing.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Goodbye, my friend
Ha, how about an update, eh? That's what one does to blogs, right? In theory?
Nothing much new. Just fighting off old ladies in Walmart for the last box of cheesy Ritz Bitz because God knows, that's hurricane food. I did discover during Katrina that boxed red wine is a better choice than beer because it doesn't require refrigeration. Now that's a lesson you won't get on the weather channel.
On a more somber note, the world is less one good man after this weekend. My friend John Layne lost his battle with cancer on Saturday, August 30. One day too soon to see his favorite team not suck. Years too soon for the joy he would have brought to the lives of his friends. He was the most generous soul I have ever known (even if he lacked something in...dignity) and the world as I know it will never be the same. Requiscat in Pace, my friend.
http://obits.al.com/Mobile/DeathNotices.asp?Page=LifeStory&PersonId=116783334
Watch, O Lord,
with those who wake,
or watch or weep tonight,
and give your angels charge
over those who sleep.
Tend your sick ones,
O Lord Jesus Christ;
rest your weary ones;
bless your dying ones;
soothe your suffering ones;
pity your afflicted ones;
shield your joyous ones;
and all for your love's sake.
Amen.
--St. Augustine of Hippo
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Beer!
I thought of posting some witty insight, again, on frugality or spirituality or environmentalism. And honestly, all of those things are on my mind. But you know, beer ties into all of that. Beer is frugal ($1.75 a mug at Paddy O'Toole's!), beer is spiritual (it's proof God loves us and wants us to be happy) and it's good for the environment (plants reduce our carbon footprint!). And really, beer is all about love. It's frosty. It's foamy. It's so refreshing on a summer day. It's the reason my pants are too tight, but we won't go there.
What's more, beer brings the family together. Conversation between my husband and myself:
Husband: Guess who signed Manny Ramirez? The DODGERS.
Me: Ugh. Joe will be insufferable.
Husband: He already is. How do you think I found out about it?
Me: We need beer.
Husband: How about a few pints on the way home from work?
Sigh. Makes you all warm and fuzzy, no?
Plus, it's good for the economy. Maybe if I tip him, Buddy won't gripe about his car payment.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Jeezie-mail! Jeezie-mail
Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
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Three things in life that are most valuable -
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Three things in life that are never certain -
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Three things that make a man/woman -
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Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -
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Three things in life that, once lost, hard to build-up -
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P.-----pray
U.----until
S.----something
H.----happens
I need this back... If you'll do this for me... I'll do it for you...
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need.
Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small
prayer for the person who sent you this.
Father,
God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day!
And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have
a closer relationship with you. Amen.
Then send it on to five other people, including the one who sent it to you.
Within hours you caused a multitude of people to pray for other people.
Then sit back and watch the power of God work in your life.
P. S. Five is good, but more is better.
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My brief prayer? Dear God, please let the sender of this message either find her good sense or lose the Enter key. Amen.
Car-ma
So I went to Walmart. Since, according to Sockman, we were also DESPERATELY out of Canadian Bacon, I had to go to the Walmart out in West Mobile (or as the trendy kids call it WeMo, which I can only assume is Nemo's mulleted cousin or something) because the Walmart directly behind the apartment has been out of Canadian Bacon since they killed the last pig. This route unfortunately takes me through a nasty bit of perpetual road construction but I do it seldom enough that I tend to forget there is road construction.
Naturally, on the way back from Walmart, I got stuck in the left lane and had to merge back for the construction. Some dude driving a late model Oldsmobile cut me off three times--maybe my use of a turn signal confused him. I don't know. But after a while, he was being downright aggressive about it. So when the car in front of HIM slowed to turn right, I nosed in front.
And proceeded to let over every single person who wanted to merge. I also stopped to let out four little old ladies, a semi, a dump truck, and two unidentified pieces of big yellow road construction things. Hey, I'm a girl. I'm not required to know what they are called, right?
In fact, I let so many people out that when he came to HIS turn, he was blocked from the turn lane and missed his light.
And that is one long cycle.
You know, dude, you could have just let me out.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Why God Created Under Armour
You know...
So brilliant thoughts have pretty much run out of my head like drool onto the keyboard.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Rant Du Jour: Jesus Loves You, Pass It On
So cackling with joy that there was actually a BIBLE on my desk one day, our uh, religiously enthusiastic secretary apparently spread the good word. Because my inbox is overflowing with God's Electronic Love. And I shouldn't gripe because I know people's hearts are in the right place, but their keyboards should be locked away for all eternity.
A random painful sampling, if you will.
Subject: Morning Inspiration
>
> Repeat after me: This is the Day the Lord has made!
>
> God has kept me here for a reason.
> I survived because He has a plan for me.
> All my bad relationships, the consequences, the
> hard times, the sad times, the death of my loved ones, the back
> stabbing from my friends, the negative thoughts, or the lack of
> support; I made it because I am blessed!
> I release and let go of all past hurts, misunderstandings and grudges
> because I am abundantly blessed! I recognize them as the illusions
> they are, and sent from the enemy to kill my spirit, steal my joy, and
> destroy my faith; for God is all there is. All else is a lie! Now give
> yourself a hug, wipe your tears away and walk in victory!!!!!!!! I
> love you, but more appropriately God loves you BEST! Be blessed and
> know that you are at one with THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD! And may the
> Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.
> Genesis 31:49. Amen!
> Now since you are a true child of God, you know that with every
> Blessing, a blessing is required! So be a blessing to another, by
> passing this on.
> IF YOU DO IT RIGHT NOW, GOD WILL BLESS IT RIGHT NOW!!
> Be Blessed "The Will of GOD will never take you where the GRACE of GOD
> will not protect you.
OK, those of you that know me are aware that I'm pretty uninspired in the morning so that's Wrong Step One. And there is so much doctrinally wrong with this email that I don't even want to go there. So I won't. Let's continue, shall we?
Freddy and the Lord stood by
to observe a baseball game.
Satan's team.
The Lord's team was at bat,
the score was tied zero to
zero, and it was the bottom
of the 9th inning with two
outs. They continued to
watch as a batter stepped up
to the plate named 'Love.'
Love swung at the first pitch
and hit a single, because
'Love never fails.'
The next batter was named
Faith who also got a single
because Faith works with
Love.The next batter up was
named Godly Wisdom. Satan
wound up and threw
the first pitch.
Godly Wisdom looked it over
and let it pass: Ball one.
Three more pitches
and Godly Wisdom walked
because he never swings at
what Satan throws.
The bases were now loaded.
The Lord then turned to
Freddy and told him He was
now going to bring in His star player.
Up to the plate stepped
Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure
doesn't look like much!'
Satan's whole team relaxed
when they saw Grace.
Thinking he had won the
game, Satan wound up and
fired his first pitch. To the
shock of everyone,
Grace hit the ball harder
than anyone had ever seen!
But Satan was not worried;
his center fielder let very
few get by.
He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove,
hit him on the head and sent
him crashing on the ground;
the roaring crowds went wild
as the ball
continued over the fence ....
for a home run!
The Lord's team won!
The Lord then asked Freddy if
he knew why Love, Faith and
Godly Wisdom could get on base
but couldn't win the game.
Freddy answered that he didn't
know why.
The Lord explained, 'If your
love, faith and wisdom had won
the game, you would think you
had done it by yourself.
Love, Faith and Wisdom will get
you on base but only My Grace
can get you Home:
'For by Grace
is a gift of God; not of works,
lest any man should boast.'
Ephesians 2:8-9
Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord
God is a sun and shield; the
Lord will give grace and
glory; no good thing will
He withhold from those who
walk uprightly.'
Jesus' Test
This is an easy test; you
score 100 or zero. It's your
choice. If you aren't
ashamed to do this, please
follow the directions. Jesus
said, 'If you are ashamed of
me, I will be ashamed of you
before my Father.'
Not ashamed!!
, I do Love God. He is my
source of existence and
Savior. He keeps me
functioning each and
everyday. Without Him, I am
nothing, but with him:
'I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13
Amen.
This is the simplest test . . If you Love God,
and are not ashamed of all the great things
He has done for you.
Dude. It's like people knowing I love cats and sending me all kinds of glittery sparkly kitten crap. I love CATS. The animal. I don't need a kitten calendar, a kitten note card, or a thrice forwarded series of cute photoshopped kitten JPEGs.
Jesus loves me. I get it. Me and the Jeez have worked this out on our own. And neither of us sent an email.
Sigh.