Rant Du Jour: Jesus Loves You, Pass It On

So recently I began, as many do when they reach that-age-over-thirty, to nose around Things Spiritual. Going as far as attending a few churches. No, the roof did not fall in.

So cackling with joy that there was actually a BIBLE on my desk one day, our uh, religiously enthusiastic secretary apparently spread the good word. Because my inbox is overflowing with God's Electronic Love. And I shouldn't gripe because I know people's hearts are in the right place, but their keyboards should be locked away for all eternity.

A random painful sampling, if you will.

Subject: Morning Inspiration
>
> Repeat after me: This is the Day the Lord has made!
>
> God has kept me here for a reason.
> I survived because He has a plan for me.
> All my bad relationships, the consequences, the
> hard times, the sad times, the death of my loved ones, the back
> stabbing from my friends, the negative thoughts, or the lack of
> support; I made it because I am blessed!
> I release and let go of all past hurts, misunderstandings and grudges
> because I am abundantly blessed! I recognize them as the illusions
> they are, and sent from the enemy to kill my spirit, steal my joy, and
> destroy my faith; for God is all there is. All else is a lie! Now give
> yourself a hug, wipe your tears away and walk in victory!!!!!!!! I
> love you, but more appropriately God loves you BEST! Be blessed and
> know that you are at one with THE SPIRIT OF THE LIVING GOD! And may the
> Lord keep watch between you and me when we are away from each other.
> Genesis 31:49. Amen!
> Now since you are a true child of God, you know that with every
> Blessing, a blessing is required! So be a blessing to another, by
> passing this on.
> IF YOU DO IT RIGHT NOW, GOD WILL BLESS IT RIGHT NOW!!
> Be Blessed "The Will of GOD will never take you where the GRACE of GOD
> will not protect you.

OK, those of you that know me are aware that I'm pretty uninspired in the morning so that's Wrong Step One. And there is so much doctrinally wrong with this email that I don't even want to go there. So I won't. Let's continue, shall we?

Freddy and the Lord stood by

to observe a baseball game.

The Lord's team was playing

Satan's team.

The Lord's team was at bat,

the score was tied zero to

zero, and it was the bottom

of the 9th inning with two

outs. They continued to

watch as a batter stepped up

to the plate named 'Love.'

Love swung at the first pitch

and hit a single, because

'Love never fails.'

The next batter was named

Faith who also got a single

because Faith works with

Love.The next batter up was

named Godly Wisdom. Satan

wound up and threw

the first pitch.


Godly Wisdom looked it over

and let it pass: Ball one.

Three more pitches

and Godly Wisdom walked

because he never swings at

what Satan throws.


The bases were now loaded.

The Lord then turned to

Freddy and told him He was

now going to bring in His star player.

Up to the plate stepped

Grace. Freddy said, 'He sure

doesn't look like much!'

Satan's whole team relaxed

when they saw Grace.

Thinking he had won the

game, Satan wound up and

fired his first pitch. To the

shock of everyone,

Grace hit the ball harder

than anyone had ever seen!

But Satan was not worried;

his center fielder let very

few get by.



He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove,

hit him on the head and sent

him crashing on the ground;

the roaring crowds went wild

as the ball


continued over the fence ....

for a home run!

The Lord's team won!

The Lord then asked Freddy if

he knew why Love, Faith and

Godly Wisdom could get on base

but couldn't win the game.

Freddy answered that he didn't

know why.

The Lord explained, 'If your

love, faith and wisdom had won

the game, you would think you

had done it by yourself.

Love, Faith and Wisdom will get

you on base but only My Grace

can get you Home:

'For by Grace are you saved, it

is a gift of God; not of works,

lest any man should boast.'

Ephesians 2:8-9

Psalm 84:11, 'For the Lord

God is a sun and shield; the

Lord will give grace and

glory; no good thing will

He withhold from those who

walk uprightly.'

Jesus' Test

This is an easy test; you

score 100 or zero. It's your

choice. If you aren't

ashamed to do this, please

follow the directions. Jesus

said, 'If you are ashamed of

me, I will be ashamed of you

before my Father.'

Not ashamed!!

, I do Love God. He is my

source of existence and

Savior. He keeps me

functioning each and

everyday. Without Him, I am

nothing, but with him:

'I can do all things through Christ
who strengthens me.'
Phil 4:13
Amen.

This is the simplest test . . If you Love God,
and are not ashamed of all the great things
He has done for you.

What? Ok, I'm pretty sure I got this one because it's no secret I also love baseball. However, I'm ALSO pretty sure the relevant facts are 1) St. Louis lost to Milwaukee last night and 2) this happens more than I care to admit and 3) I still can't get past the Brewers being in the National League and 4) Satan is David Ortiz, everyone knows that.

Dude. It's like people knowing I love cats and sending me all kinds of glittery sparkly kitten crap. I love CATS. The animal. I don't need a kitten calendar, a kitten note card, or a thrice forwarded series of cute photoshopped kitten JPEGs.

Jesus loves me. I get it. Me and the Jeez have worked this out on our own. And neither of us sent an email.

Sigh.